I just spent about 20 mins on the phone with my sister, crying about what happened when my daughter was born. It sounds so selfish, typing it out now... I am so fortunate to have a healthy baby girl and being healthy myself. There are so many people out there that can't even have children and here I am, 6 months post partum and I'm still hung up on what happened?
Sometimes I wonder if I should talk to someone... I feel like I burden my family with my talks... Either their eyes glaze over and it's "uh huh.. Yep" or "you should be happy that you have a healthy, beautiful daughter. That is really all that matters." Yes, it does matter and thank god for her good health. I just need someone to try to understand.
The neurologist told my husband that I had a much higher chance of post partum depression. My body was so in shock over the birth of my daughter that it would very likely stay that way for a while. I was lucky and I didn't get it... But I think that translates (to most people) to "you didn't get it, so it doesn't bother you."
Don't get me wrong, I am fine most of the time, but sometimes something stupid will set me off. The thing that got me started this time was talking to my sister about all the people I know that have recently had babies. It seems like there is a constant competition between all of us. I'll save this for a different post, though, because that will take a while! Haha.
I know it's dumb and selfish, but I think my biggest problem so far has been allowing myself to be sad about it. I try so hard to pretend it doesn't still hurt sometimes. Why? I really should give myself time to accept it. Maybe then I wouldn't end up crying to my poor sister who has no idea what to say except "I'm sorry." Talking does help, though. So thanks for listening :)