Boooo :(

I have been feeling extremely down lately. I hate to bitch to my friends, because I know they can only to listen to so much. I am still in California since Jason left. I am enjoying my time here, but I am also trying to keep from going crazy. I do like seeing them, but I guess I can only take them in smaller doses, because I am going crazy.

I haven't talked to my hubby in a couple days now. I knew this was a possibility... They are redoing the internet there, so he told me it would probably down while they are making the switch. It doesn't suck any less though. What sucks more? He called me today and I missed it. I cried the whole time I was listening to the voicemail. :(

I have been having major baby fever, but that is really nothing new. I keep telling myself how much easier/better it will be only having one child.... And yet here I am, sitting here sad.

I have always wanted a big family. I would adopt, but I don't think my husband is too excited about the idea. It would cost us thousands just to be able to do exactly what tons of people do every day... Let alone the cost of everything else we would need for the child. It hardly seems fair. I know I sound whiny, but I can't help it.

I am really, really tired of feeling this way. Will I ever be 100% okay with this? I hope so.

Newest Update... 3/27

So, I realize I haven't updated in a while. I have been pretty busy with my toddler(WHAT!?!) She turned 1 at the beginning on the month. She is such a joy to be around. She is always happy... And no, that isn't sarcasm. Haha.

I have been in California since mid-Februrary. I am enjoying it, for the most part. My parents are also kind of driving me nuts, but that is what parents do, right? I miss home, a lot. I know that I will miss my family a lot when I do go home though. I do hate to have my house just sit there. *Sigh* Deployments suck.

For the most part, I do get to talk to my husband quite a bit. (Unfortunately, today doesn't look like one of those days though.) I miss him like crazy. It is hard to know that he will miss an entire year. Please, one person tell me I chose this life... I am so damn tired of hearing that. Yes, I fell in love with a soldier, but I loved him enough to stick it out. Loving him that makes it hard to say goodbye for a little while... A year? It's insane.

Anyway, not much is new around here.. Fun fun stuff :)

Deployments and health worries

My husband has been gone for a week now, and I am doing a lot better than I expected to. I miss him a ton, but I have a feeling that these next few months will go by very fast... And with my daughter I don't have a ton of time to be sad. I am excited to send him his first care package as well; I always loved putting them together.

I have some health concerns that may or may not be a problem. My kidneys are acting up, and the urologist seems concerned. I don't know yet whether her "concern" is making sure there is nothing seriously wrong, or if there is a possibility that there IS something seriously wrong.

On Friday I will have a KUB (kidneys, ureter, bladder) x-ray done and a CT scan of the kidneys. She says it is possible that the reason I get frequent kidney infections is because of kidney stones. We will see, I guess...

I go from being concerned to not worrying about it. I will drive myself insane if I think about all the things that could be wrong. I know it kills Jason to be away while I have to undergo testing like this though. He tends to be paranoid.

I really don't like telling my friends about stuff like this, because they either pretend they care or feel like they have to be sympathetic. I am not looking for sympathy. It is something I deal with.... and have been dealing with for a while. Anyway, I'm sure I will be updating when I hear something more.

Deployments Suck... and other stuff :)

So these last few weeks have been filled with worry and stress over the (extremely) upcoming deployment. My husband leaves in a few days. That means we have both been on edge more, I have been crying more and we are both under stress. It is weird to "outsiders" to think that a military family argues more right before their soldier leaves... but it is true. Despite BOTH of our wishes, we have argued every day. *Sigh* Though I don't hate the Army, I do hate deployments. They suck.

I did receive some good news from an old friend a few days ago though- she is getting married! I was so excited to hear that. She is so low-key and laid back. I love that about her. She is getting married simply because she loves a man. I love that about her too. No competition, no annoying demands... Just a happy girl talking about her wedding. She knows I LOVE weddings and started talking to me about them. I am more than happy to help if I can... I might as well put my schooling to SOME use, right? She wants a vintage theme that I am in love with. Everything about it fits her perfectly.

I hope that when I get back to California we can plan a little more. I am so, so happy for her. Which is refreshing. Unlike everyone else, she is still the same girl I knew in High School. I don't feel like everything is a competition with her. She can truly be happy for someone and vise versa...

I have truly given up on trying to "keep up" with my some of my friends. Honestly, I don't give a shit anymore. They can't be happy for me, and apparently, I can't be happy for them. I try to not get caught up in the "I have the more perfect life" bullshit, but sometimes that is tough. Especially when it so easy... Since honestly, my life is "better."

I realize that sounds extremely arrogant, but hear me out... I don't live in the ghetto, so + one for me.... I have been married for 3 years and still going strong... And at the end of the month, I am okay financially. I never want to put my family through financial trouble to have what I want to make me seem "better." I don't even understand the point of "having it all" when it is obvious that person "has it all" at the expense of their family. In my opinion that person may as well have nothing.

So, I kinda went off on a tangent that I didn't mean to, but hopefully I will update soon. I may update more often after I am alone :( BOOOO! Deployments suck.

Top Reasons why I Feel the Need to Purge Facebook Regularly...

I know I am not the only person who regularly defriends people from Facebook. These are the number one reasons someone is considered for "defriending." (In no particular order)

1. The "Woe is me" friend- I get it, sometimes life sucks. A person is constantly being tested with shit... And everything always seems to go wrong at the same time. Times are tough for everyone, I promise, woe is me friend, you are not the only one going through hard times. The difference? Not everyone feels the need to post it all over facebook.


2. Constant competition- Nothing annoys me more. Those people always have better material possessions and/or have the better relationship... and they want to make sure you know it. Does this fool anyone? When someone does this, I write them off. Obviously, they are jealous and feel the need to try to make others jealous... Otherwise, what is the point?
Example- My husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend is the best! He bought me ______, _______ and _________. It cost $____. He/She really loves me.

3. The "Been there, done that" friend- You broke your leg? Wuss! This friend broke both arms AND both legs.. AT THE SAME TIME! Your toddler is walking? Well their INFANT is walking AND came out of the womb humming Bach, because they only listened to classical music during their pregnancy!

(See number 2, these people are usually competitive too!)

4. Drama Queens/Kings- Okay, your husband is an asshole. Do not post 5 million times about how he is cheating scum and then a month later expect all of your friends to be happy when you decide to take him back. Your friends are not jealous, they are looking out for you. After all, you yourself called him scum. Did you not? There is no need to get in arguments on a status update. It doesn't look like you "have your man's back" when you threaten to kick your best friend's ass, it makes you look like trash. She is keeping YOUR best interests in mind!

5. The big spenders who still live with their parents- No, I don't think it is a good idea to try to conceive when you live with your parents... Move out and stop mooching. Also, please do not brag to me about the wonderful things you buy that child. Yes, I have a child and NO she does not have every thing in the world, nor does she need it. Grow up. I don't have time for that crap. I have a mortgage to worry about. If I could live rent/mortgage free, believe me, I would.

This also applies to the people who cannot provide the basics for themselves and/or their families but continue to buy shit they don't need. I am not jealous of your shit, I think you are being irresponsible.

I KNOW there are more, but I can't seem to think right now... What are YOUR biggest pet peeves on facebook?

Bad CYS Experience

So, last night I sold the rest of my diapers... It honestly turned me off to ever selling anything on campbellyardsales or craigslist ever again. I was selling my Kawaii diapers for $5 each. The diapers had no staining, were all in excellent condition and came with 2 inserts each. $5 is a damn good price for those diapers.

The woman IM's me via CYS chat and asks if I can meet her later. I say yes. She asks where I live and I tell her what area... She THEN asks if I am willing to meet her at Walmart (that is 30 mins away) I say fine. She tells me she is going between 7-8, and again, I agree to that time.... I hear nothing from her until 7:15, when she emails me telling me she is leaving for Walmart soon. So, I leave to go there. (Even though at this point I want to relax... I just laid the baby down for bed and my husband had recently gotten home from work) I get there at 8.

8:15 rolls around and no call, no text... Nothing. I call my husband, furious asking what to do. I wanted to go home. My life does not revolve around others, and let me tell you, $15 is not worth this crap. He gives me her number and tells me to give her a chance... So, I text her and tell her where I am parked (it is now 8:25) she texts back and lets me know "she will be there in a sec." So, instead of leaving I wait, because a sec isn't very long, right??? No... Her "sec" turned out to be me waiting around till 8:40... The same minute I was very seriously going to drive away. She gave no explanation except that it had been a crazy night.

Look lady, I don't care whether or NOT you had a crazy night. Including driving time, I spent almost two hours waiting on you. $15 is crap money as far as that is concerned. You can't even tell me you are sorry? I wanted to be home with my family, but instead, I was sitting in a parking lot for 40 mins (not to mention that Walmart is 30 mins AWAY from my family... So I didn't get home till after 9!)

Writing this out is just upsetting me more. I felt like she was extremely selfish and rude. I should've driven off at 8:30 like I planned. All I wanted was some sort of time line. Instead of telling me "I'll be there in a sec" I wish she would've said "I am checking out, I will be there as soon as I am done." A sec tells me that you will be right here... Which is the only reason why I didn't leave right then and there.

Well, I can only say it was a learning experience. If I am going to meet someone somewhere, they can do it on MY time. No more driving way out of the way and waiting around for that long. I have more important things to do. That crap isn't worth $15, I promise.

Update on the Prefolds...

So, the last time I wrote a blog I had just bought some prefolds. I was a little nervous about trying them too. I love them. In fact, we are in the process of selling my pockets, and switching over to prefolds.

They are easy, cheap and trim. We spent $70 on 10 pocket diapers. That is an extremely cheap, but $70 IS quite a chunk of money for us, just to find out that they are too tight on her chunker thighs. It is nice to find a diaper system that is cheap and easy to use.

To be honest, I was hoping I could use the pocket diapers at night, but they were leaving deep marks on G's thighs. There was no way around them, so I decided to get rid of them.

I posted them for sale on campbellyardsales.com, (Similar to craigslist.com) for $5 per diaper. I sold the "boy colors" immediately, but I am still waiting on selling the girly ones. I was hoping to sell them together, but I made one hell of a sale/trade with her. She got 6 of my diapers... She gave me 4 prefolds, one cover and $10.

Thanksgiving-
Thanksgiving is coming up. I'm cooking, but not a lot. It will only be me, my husband and a friend. Last year, I was pregnant and we went to a friend's house. That friend has since lost contact with me, but I miss hanging out with her the way we did. She is a good person. Oh well, stuff like that happens, right?

Sometimes, I wish it was as simple as elementary school... No one cares who's "fault" it is/was. They just decide they want to be friends again.